.. cguro gni2 tlga noh? on how to link myself to other people pertain s mga special friends, nd love ones.. i dnt know, cguro isu2lat q nlng pra mps2lmtan mpslmtan kta..
.. 2lug ang diwa nitng nkraan, pingti2isn ang nr2mdmang klungkutan.. eh pnu nga b s2bhn s praan kya maunwaan, cguro nga tlga 2lug ang diwa q.. d q kc nm2lyan pro lgi qng cnsbi mntili klng anjan, kht ns2ktn kn.. tanga aq noh?
.. cguro kailngn q muna msktan pra m intindhn ang ikot ng pgm2hl.. cguro wla ng mportnte kc wla n nga nti2ra skin, d q n alm qng cnu png mw2la s su2nod pro sna hnda aq pra dun.. cguro bgu mwla s mga kmay q mgb2gu muna aq.. anu p bng permanente s mundo? bkt q sha it2pon, bkt aalisn q eh sha ang mhl q, tanga q tlga noh?
.. bwat saglit nga prusa pra skin, sna s pgdting m kya m p aqng bguhin.. i cnt promise kc mli s mundo ang kingisnan q..
30 January 2009
24 January 2009
Pulubi
.. hbng nil2ngaw ang buong ktwan, hbng gumgla s buong kbynan ang mtndang pulubi pra mlmnan ang knyang kumklam n sikmura. ang knyang nanli2mhid n mukhang puro dumi n gling s knsda. psan-psan ang knyang de kahoy n gmit at kartong gmit s knyang kma pra phingahn. ang mbhong amoy n gling s knya d m it2gong ilang pgk2taong pingk2itan ng tubig, ang knyang tuyot n blat s knyang kumklam n sikmura. ang alikbok n gling s mga s2kyan, ang dumi n gling s shig ng bwat hinihigaan. ang ginaw n yumykap 2wing gbi, ang init n slong-slo ng knyang ktwan, at ang png l2it ng tao s knyang ginglwan.. daig nya p nga ang bliw at criminal s lgay nya, pro anung alm nla. wla clng alm qng bkt ngkgni2 ang buhy ng pulubi..
“bkt b aq and2 s lansangan, wlng bhay wlng klinga. teka nga, bkt cla ngs2yang nil2it aq, bkt sinusugtan nla ang ktwan q, s bwat slitang gling s knila pkirmdm q dhan-dhn nla aqng binbaon s lupa. teka, bkt ngt2wnan cla?”
.. bkt nga b d lumuluha ang mga pulubi? cguro alm n nla isa cla s pskit n gwa ang mundo.. qng iiyak man cla, m aal2 lng nla ang buhy n pingdurushan gwa ang nkpligid s knila. d nmn nla kslnan mging gn2, gwa dn nmn cla ang diyos, pro bkt b gni2.. ngdurusa s buhy n d nla gus2..
- ngl2kd s kalye, suot ang gula-gulnit n lumang dmit, mrusik at mbho. ang mga paa’y nkblot s putik, ang knyang ktwan nmn ay pg aari ng alikbok. may trang-trang n lta at htak nya i2 s kliwang kmay, s knan nmn buhat ang mga bsurang kinolekta s p nga2lkal pra m I benta.. s tingin ng nkr2mi, daig p nya ang my mlubhang skit..
“bkt b aq and2 s lansangan, wlng bhay wlng klinga. teka nga, bkt cla ngs2yang nil2it aq, bkt sinusugtan nla ang ktwan q, s bwat slitang gling s knila pkirmdm q dhan-dhn nla aqng binbaon s lupa. teka, bkt ngt2wnan cla?”
.. bkt nga b d lumuluha ang mga pulubi? cguro alm n nla isa cla s pskit n gwa ang mundo.. qng iiyak man cla, m aal2 lng nla ang buhy n pingdurushan gwa ang nkpligid s knila. d nmn nla kslnan mging gn2, gwa dn nmn cla ang diyos, pro bkt b gni2.. ngdurusa s buhy n d nla gus2..
- ngl2kd s kalye, suot ang gula-gulnit n lumang dmit, mrusik at mbho. ang mga paa’y nkblot s putik, ang knyang ktwan nmn ay pg aari ng alikbok. may trang-trang n lta at htak nya i2 s kliwang kmay, s knan nmn buhat ang mga bsurang kinolekta s p nga2lkal pra m I benta.. s tingin ng nkr2mi, daig p nya ang my mlubhang skit..
22 January 2009
She Made My Eyes Blue
This is the final decision and final beginning, tangap ko na hanggang friends na lang tayo. At least di ba, after all we end up at friendship, until my life expires naman eh mahal pa din kita. Siguro nga, things happen for some reason, and this time I only know one reason pa lang, un ay di talaga tayo para sa isa’t isa ngayon dir in natin masasabi kung pwede pa tayo pagdating ng future, siguro nga para talaga tayo sa iba. Ang mahalaga muna sakin ngayon ay makalimutan ang nakaraan, at ma-maintain ang masasayang araw na magsasama at magkakasabay tayo, di natin alam ba ka nga mas maagang ma-expired ang buhay ko, di kita maihanda sa mangyayari. Anyway, di na importante sakin un, life goes and until my life is done, your always the scent I want to meant. Ganun naman talaga di ba, minahal kita ng tunay hanggang huli, ayos na sakin un pabaon sa kabilang buhay. Kaya siguro gusto ko na din iwanan ang mundo kasi nagkukulang ako sa atensyon at pagmamahal dahil wala na akong maramdaman sa ganito.
Sa masasayang alaala natin nagging mahalaga sakin lahat sayo. And I always treasure all sweet memories. Pasensha na kung ganito ang tema ng pagmamahal ko, inborn na ako dito, since birth ganito na ako. I always keep myself open for changes and improvements eh. Kahit nasasaktan ako, ayus lang, of course nasaktan ako dun kung anung intense ng unang pagibig, ganun di kasakit pagdating sa huli. Ang natutunan ko lang e-spell out is “move on” and “let go”, pagkatapos “acceptance” na.
Di ko kasi kayang i-program ang puso ko na “di na magmamahal ulit”. Buong buhay ko, nagaantay na lang ako, nagbabakasakaling may magabuloy ng tinatawag na “pagmamahal” at “pagibig”, ung tutupad sa pagpapahalaga sa mga pinangako ng nakararaming nanakit sakin. Di ko din alam kung anung plano ng tadhana sakin, di ko din alam kung hanggang saan na lang ako pwedeng tumagal. Nagagawa ko nga tumayo ulit kahit mas madaming pagkadapa kesa paghakbang nga mga paa ko, kung baga sa una lang masakit, masasanay ka din. Di na din ako nagkakaroon ng sugat kasi puro peklat na ang puso ko, immune to feelings na lang siguro. Magisa na ako mula pagkabata ko, galling nga eh nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na pahalagahan mo kahit sandali lang. Natutunan ko din maging independent in any form or mistake and decision. Ngayon ko nakikita ang effect sa buhay ko. Maging mali man ang disisyon ko sa huli, di ko pwdeng ireklamo dahil ginusto ko at kailangan kong harapin.
Di ko pinagsisisihan kung bakit ako nagmamahal, syempre dahil mahal kita, at dahil un sa tinatawag na “love”. Di man maging tayo sa huli, panu nga naman kung maganda ang output ng panliligaw sayo, di pinagsisihan ko ito habang nabubuhay ako, at least tumaya ako at sinubukan ko, mali man ang kinalabasan, di man nag-work panliligaw pa lang busted na agad, ayus lang nothing special pa din naman eh. I’m capable of loving but and in the end wala din pala, sa una lang masaya pagdating sa huli luluha ka din pala.
Yah, it was she how made my life so blue.
Sa masasayang alaala natin nagging mahalaga sakin lahat sayo. And I always treasure all sweet memories. Pasensha na kung ganito ang tema ng pagmamahal ko, inborn na ako dito, since birth ganito na ako. I always keep myself open for changes and improvements eh. Kahit nasasaktan ako, ayus lang, of course nasaktan ako dun kung anung intense ng unang pagibig, ganun di kasakit pagdating sa huli. Ang natutunan ko lang e-spell out is “move on” and “let go”, pagkatapos “acceptance” na.
Di ko kasi kayang i-program ang puso ko na “di na magmamahal ulit”. Buong buhay ko, nagaantay na lang ako, nagbabakasakaling may magabuloy ng tinatawag na “pagmamahal” at “pagibig”, ung tutupad sa pagpapahalaga sa mga pinangako ng nakararaming nanakit sakin. Di ko din alam kung anung plano ng tadhana sakin, di ko din alam kung hanggang saan na lang ako pwedeng tumagal. Nagagawa ko nga tumayo ulit kahit mas madaming pagkadapa kesa paghakbang nga mga paa ko, kung baga sa una lang masakit, masasanay ka din. Di na din ako nagkakaroon ng sugat kasi puro peklat na ang puso ko, immune to feelings na lang siguro. Magisa na ako mula pagkabata ko, galling nga eh nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na pahalagahan mo kahit sandali lang. Natutunan ko din maging independent in any form or mistake and decision. Ngayon ko nakikita ang effect sa buhay ko. Maging mali man ang disisyon ko sa huli, di ko pwdeng ireklamo dahil ginusto ko at kailangan kong harapin.
Di ko pinagsisisihan kung bakit ako nagmamahal, syempre dahil mahal kita, at dahil un sa tinatawag na “love”. Di man maging tayo sa huli, panu nga naman kung maganda ang output ng panliligaw sayo, di pinagsisihan ko ito habang nabubuhay ako, at least tumaya ako at sinubukan ko, mali man ang kinalabasan, di man nag-work panliligaw pa lang busted na agad, ayus lang nothing special pa din naman eh. I’m capable of loving but and in the end wala din pala, sa una lang masaya pagdating sa huli luluha ka din pala.
Yah, it was she how made my life so blue.
Best Letting Go
.. am i willing 2 trust a worth? am i willing to give up my search for relationships? can i have it? i don’t know am i ready, or im not willing to receive.. without those, nothing will change.. i no longer insist upon my choice..
.. the only thing i lose when letting go of someone is afraid to love without is fear itself.. im not stronger than anything frightens me.. i let go of my past, but im not free to think that was already finish now in present.. i know im not my past anymore.. letting go is a natural release which always comes out in realization that hurts.. letting go happens effortlessly in default choices.. it dosent mean giving up..
.. let go then move on is a journey never ends, never.. it always begins again and again.. seeing much farther, it must be willing to open my eyes from their present point rather than past.. i know love exist because i insist.. im so tried of whatever i avoid..
.. isn’t mistakable belief that pushing love in relationship choose that keeps in strained, and in unhappy relationship with it.. and i rather embrace the way to struggle endlessly with mine..
.. a part of my self i let go, certain bitter, pain and suffer.. giving birth to a new me that never hold on to anything because im not already everything.. i can’t walk away for all familiar memories, and it gives unsatisfactorily sense of me.. for as long as necessary, fear of falling and letting go of someone..
.. how can i turn into greatest pleasure that always comprise me? but when it comes to who am i, is no compromise.. let go of past, cause our past is yesterday, it is irretrievable.. i may talking to myself, and no one else is listening.. i have already heard all i have to say with myself, so lets go and face yesterday..
“ wla lng, gus2 qlng mg sulat.. gus2 q lng sbhn n kya q kht wla kn, n kya ktng i-let go.. oo nga, mskit pro ms ms2ktan aq pg ngp2luy aqng mhlin k n alm qng d m dn aq kyng ibign”..
.. the only thing i lose when letting go of someone is afraid to love without is fear itself.. im not stronger than anything frightens me.. i let go of my past, but im not free to think that was already finish now in present.. i know im not my past anymore.. letting go is a natural release which always comes out in realization that hurts.. letting go happens effortlessly in default choices.. it dosent mean giving up..
.. let go then move on is a journey never ends, never.. it always begins again and again.. seeing much farther, it must be willing to open my eyes from their present point rather than past.. i know love exist because i insist.. im so tried of whatever i avoid..
.. isn’t mistakable belief that pushing love in relationship choose that keeps in strained, and in unhappy relationship with it.. and i rather embrace the way to struggle endlessly with mine..
.. a part of my self i let go, certain bitter, pain and suffer.. giving birth to a new me that never hold on to anything because im not already everything.. i can’t walk away for all familiar memories, and it gives unsatisfactorily sense of me.. for as long as necessary, fear of falling and letting go of someone..
.. how can i turn into greatest pleasure that always comprise me? but when it comes to who am i, is no compromise.. let go of past, cause our past is yesterday, it is irretrievable.. i may talking to myself, and no one else is listening.. i have already heard all i have to say with myself, so lets go and face yesterday..
“ wla lng, gus2 qlng mg sulat.. gus2 q lng sbhn n kya q kht wla kn, n kya ktng i-let go.. oo nga, mskit pro ms ms2ktan aq pg ngp2luy aqng mhlin k n alm qng d m dn aq kyng ibign”..
Paalam Malupit Na Mundo
.. n2ng nkraan, lgi q nlng np2nsin nguubos aq ng pnhon s pgmu2kmok, pgluha, pgt2go s nr2mdman, pgi2ng ilang s mga taong kinakailngn iwsan.. pgs2yang s oras mpg icp, at dmhin ang skit n nr2mdman pra s mga taong d q alm qng tlgang tnggap ang buong pgktao q, all this time it was alwys nonsense.. qng my rason man cla, d q alm, at q q n dn maintindhn..
.. mshdo n mrming pskit ang buhy q, ns2ktan n a q s mga nangy2ri, at mshdo n dn aqng sinsktan.. ung skit n d nki2ta, o hindi tlga nla mkta.. evr since I born, my existence wla man lng ni isang ngphlga, qng humihinga p aq, qng nk2rmdm dn b aq, d nla alm un.. sadyang kuntento n cguro aq mging mpg isa, ms gus2 q png aq mg isa humrap s mga problema q, kesa mg share aq s ibng tao.. andun p dn nmn eh, d nw2la ang problema..
.. pilit q man itanggi, ns2ktan p dn aq evrytime nangy2ri i2 ng p ulit ulit.. qng pnu mk2 iwas, mhirp kc p2luy kng ms2ktn kesa msktan k, mgi2ng mpg isa nlng aq.. ung srili m lng ksma m, k kwentuhn m, kaibgn m, srili m lng ang kailngn m.. at hbng nbu2hy aq ng gni2, ms gu2stuhn qng mpg isa hbng buhy..
Msg:
- tma n nga i2, d m nmn mb2sa i2 eh.. at alm qng d k rn nmn interesdo s mga gwa q.. tpus n aqng mlungkot, tpus n aqng mgphlga s taong d nmn aq pinh2lghan.. sna wla kng pain and bitterness, sna n 2pad q ang promise qng m iblik ang ngiti m kht sndli lng.. i2 tlga aq eh, loser kya kailngn qng lumisn, b2lik muna aq s pgi2ng mpg isa.. -
.. mshdo n mrming pskit ang buhy q, ns2ktan n a q s mga nangy2ri, at mshdo n dn aqng sinsktan.. ung skit n d nki2ta, o hindi tlga nla mkta.. evr since I born, my existence wla man lng ni isang ngphlga, qng humihinga p aq, qng nk2rmdm dn b aq, d nla alm un.. sadyang kuntento n cguro aq mging mpg isa, ms gus2 q png aq mg isa humrap s mga problema q, kesa mg share aq s ibng tao.. andun p dn nmn eh, d nw2la ang problema..
.. pilit q man itanggi, ns2ktan p dn aq evrytime nangy2ri i2 ng p ulit ulit.. qng pnu mk2 iwas, mhirp kc p2luy kng ms2ktn kesa msktan k, mgi2ng mpg isa nlng aq.. ung srili m lng ksma m, k kwentuhn m, kaibgn m, srili m lng ang kailngn m.. at hbng nbu2hy aq ng gni2, ms gu2stuhn qng mpg isa hbng buhy..
Msg:
- tma n nga i2, d m nmn mb2sa i2 eh.. at alm qng d k rn nmn interesdo s mga gwa q.. tpus n aqng mlungkot, tpus n aqng mgphlga s taong d nmn aq pinh2lghan.. sna wla kng pain and bitterness, sna n 2pad q ang promise qng m iblik ang ngiti m kht sndli lng.. i2 tlga aq eh, loser kya kailngn qng lumisn, b2lik muna aq s pgi2ng mpg isa.. -
11 January 2009
Sorry Na Kasi
.. oh, kmusta n? ilang arw n dn d tau nk2pg usap.. lately nging bz tau eh.. look, as u nd i notice, many things changed.. seems like were in different directions, nd we undrstnd that we needed time for us to grow from ourselves.. let must, start talking things this way..
.. actually, its not about the issue, its about the old eh.. mybe if u drop nd get a chance to read this, though were far apart.. qng mgk2slubong tau ulit, or qng mgki2ta tau, at least u knew how i felt..
.. mdae kng nri2nig, ibat ibng issues.. as alwys u hve no comment from that.. ah, cguro pilit q lng itintangi s srili q on how she deals with a friend.. s relationship wlng problema eh, pro pgdting s friendship n 2ld dti ngkroon ng conflicts or something.. this time, gus2 qng sbhn sau evr since each other turn awy to that so called friendship, i felt so alone.. nowadays, it was so different n nd im not blaming u.. its jst that prng we let to leave behind.. mybe that’s what you felt too..
.. kya if u notice we learned to keep ourself away from each other.. mybe bcoz, i alyws care with mistakes kya n ngi2b2w p dn ang friendship kht alm qng mpocble n mblik p.. she knew that, pro im tired, nd i hate to for what i think is right.. pro i really appreciate any concerns gling sknya.. rememmbr, in time of my struggled, she’s alwys their, kumkway lng pra mpncin q.. i hate to speak nd mke lapit sau kc i still kept it on myself kc nhi2ya tlga aq..
.. yah, we hve that individual differences, d nga nmn pwd ang environment m i2lad skin kc i only know myself in selfish ways, nd that’s one of my weaknesses.. hvent u notice, I really dnt mind what will happen 2 u, kc if i react nd speak 2 u i might think of u turning nd leaving m.. alm q my ngwa aqng mlking kmaliaan, that’s why its time 4 m 2 deal with it.. pls dnt think i dnt undrstnd, or knew ur feelings, sna this problem takes time as part of our past.. ayw q n ulit m feel n wla n2mn aqng mlpitan, jst like what happen 2 me.. slmat..
.. i think its not yet over.. 4 u 2 b better, nd 4 m 2 get more tougher.. this letter is jst the way 2 burst my feelings.. besides, if u read, i wnt u 2 say take gud care of ur self.. i really miss u so much, im so sori..
.. actually, its not about the issue, its about the old eh.. mybe if u drop nd get a chance to read this, though were far apart.. qng mgk2slubong tau ulit, or qng mgki2ta tau, at least u knew how i felt..
.. mdae kng nri2nig, ibat ibng issues.. as alwys u hve no comment from that.. ah, cguro pilit q lng itintangi s srili q on how she deals with a friend.. s relationship wlng problema eh, pro pgdting s friendship n 2ld dti ngkroon ng conflicts or something.. this time, gus2 qng sbhn sau evr since each other turn awy to that so called friendship, i felt so alone.. nowadays, it was so different n nd im not blaming u.. its jst that prng we let to leave behind.. mybe that’s what you felt too..
.. kya if u notice we learned to keep ourself away from each other.. mybe bcoz, i alyws care with mistakes kya n ngi2b2w p dn ang friendship kht alm qng mpocble n mblik p.. she knew that, pro im tired, nd i hate to for what i think is right.. pro i really appreciate any concerns gling sknya.. rememmbr, in time of my struggled, she’s alwys their, kumkway lng pra mpncin q.. i hate to speak nd mke lapit sau kc i still kept it on myself kc nhi2ya tlga aq..
.. yah, we hve that individual differences, d nga nmn pwd ang environment m i2lad skin kc i only know myself in selfish ways, nd that’s one of my weaknesses.. hvent u notice, I really dnt mind what will happen 2 u, kc if i react nd speak 2 u i might think of u turning nd leaving m.. alm q my ngwa aqng mlking kmaliaan, that’s why its time 4 m 2 deal with it.. pls dnt think i dnt undrstnd, or knew ur feelings, sna this problem takes time as part of our past.. ayw q n ulit m feel n wla n2mn aqng mlpitan, jst like what happen 2 me.. slmat..
.. i think its not yet over.. 4 u 2 b better, nd 4 m 2 get more tougher.. this letter is jst the way 2 burst my feelings.. besides, if u read, i wnt u 2 say take gud care of ur self.. i really miss u so much, im so sori..
03 January 2009
I already lost her..
.. d q alm qng anung anung nangy2ri skin, pkirmdm q my mli skin.. bkt mgk iba ang nsa icp kesa s nr2mdmn.. ilng beses q n dn tinnung s srili q qng bkt lgi nlng aqng ngm2hl, lgi nmn aqng iniiwn, muling ngm2hl, uling iiwan.. ilng beses n b aqng nsaktn, ilng beses n b aqng lumuha, at ilng beses n b aqng bumngon at muling ibingsak.. dae n rin..
.. minsn, tintnung q nlng s srili q qng bkt nga b aq iniiwan, s sobrng lungkot pkirmdm q ikm2tay q sma ng loob q.. bkt gnun, cla nkya nla aqng klimutn, bkt aq inde.. umiiyk dn b cla 2wing gbi, ns2ktn dn b cla.. kil2 p kya nla aq..
.. cguro, mrming dhln qng bkt hnggang ngyon, d q mkta ang srili q.. teka nga, aq? cnu b aq? wla nmn aqng pinngrp qng d mkhnap ng t2ngap s mga kmlian at khinaan q.. ung kya aqng unwain.. d nmn m taas n pngarap un ah, bkt pg nk2hnap aq ng h2lili s mga pngarap q, kusa clng umaalis ng wlng psbi..
.. the question is, why do i always search for an answer even if i cant find it.. it takes me much time to analyze what am i wrong about, pro gnun p dn wlng pgb2go.. in the end, i take the pain again.. p2luy p dn ang proseso eh, pg my nwla skin, h2npin q.. pg d q mhnap, mg h2np aqng kplit, p2litn.. tpus pg d nplitn, 2luyn qng kli2mutn.. then, again, the question is anu ung pg my nwla sau n d q mhnap at d q mplitn, at gus2 q nlng klimutn, ewan q b.. mlangmang, t2nggapin q nlng..
.. again, i dnt wnt 2 struggled jst 4 pains nd burdens.. i alwys ask this, why am i doing in the lonely world, i feel weak.. i nvr felt that im breathing, or mybe do i suffer isn’t enough.. how long does it takes to heal me, time will nvr say.. my m isu2gl p b aq, buhy at kmtyan, i2 nlng ang kya qng itya.. cguro, ang buhy d n aq aasang mn2lo p aq, s kmtyan q kya, my pg b2gu p.. o bgu b aq mtlo ng nk tadhana pra skin, would i b granted with all my answers to my question.. is death will b the last sacrifice..
.. ulet, analyze it.. ang buhy p2luy yn, my dumdting pro ms mrming umaalis.. nk2swa n dn minsn ang mg antay ng mg antay, d m nga alm qng my d2ting p.. np2god n aq, mlmang pgod n dn ang nk tadhana at ng aantay nlng ng huling tya ng buhy q.. qng t2ya aq cgurdong pgkswi lng ang last price ng roleta q.. qng cnung pwdng mg mhl sau, qng cnung pwng umunwa sau, qng cnung pwdng 2manggp qng anu k, at qng cnu k.. ang hirap humnap ng gnun..
-- i hve 2 go coz im hurtng 2 much.. il surrendered 4 the love isn’t enough.. il moving 4wrd whnevr this things ain’t the same as b4.. coz, i know, im sure.. theres som1 will save me, evn if im dying.. som1 who will love m evn much nd more than usual.. --
.. minsn, tintnung q nlng s srili q qng bkt nga b aq iniiwan, s sobrng lungkot pkirmdm q ikm2tay q sma ng loob q.. bkt gnun, cla nkya nla aqng klimutn, bkt aq inde.. umiiyk dn b cla 2wing gbi, ns2ktn dn b cla.. kil2 p kya nla aq..
.. cguro, mrming dhln qng bkt hnggang ngyon, d q mkta ang srili q.. teka nga, aq? cnu b aq? wla nmn aqng pinngrp qng d mkhnap ng t2ngap s mga kmlian at khinaan q.. ung kya aqng unwain.. d nmn m taas n pngarap un ah, bkt pg nk2hnap aq ng h2lili s mga pngarap q, kusa clng umaalis ng wlng psbi..
.. the question is, why do i always search for an answer even if i cant find it.. it takes me much time to analyze what am i wrong about, pro gnun p dn wlng pgb2go.. in the end, i take the pain again.. p2luy p dn ang proseso eh, pg my nwla skin, h2npin q.. pg d q mhnap, mg h2np aqng kplit, p2litn.. tpus pg d nplitn, 2luyn qng kli2mutn.. then, again, the question is anu ung pg my nwla sau n d q mhnap at d q mplitn, at gus2 q nlng klimutn, ewan q b.. mlangmang, t2nggapin q nlng..
.. again, i dnt wnt 2 struggled jst 4 pains nd burdens.. i alwys ask this, why am i doing in the lonely world, i feel weak.. i nvr felt that im breathing, or mybe do i suffer isn’t enough.. how long does it takes to heal me, time will nvr say.. my m isu2gl p b aq, buhy at kmtyan, i2 nlng ang kya qng itya.. cguro, ang buhy d n aq aasang mn2lo p aq, s kmtyan q kya, my pg b2gu p.. o bgu b aq mtlo ng nk tadhana pra skin, would i b granted with all my answers to my question.. is death will b the last sacrifice..
.. ulet, analyze it.. ang buhy p2luy yn, my dumdting pro ms mrming umaalis.. nk2swa n dn minsn ang mg antay ng mg antay, d m nga alm qng my d2ting p.. np2god n aq, mlmang pgod n dn ang nk tadhana at ng aantay nlng ng huling tya ng buhy q.. qng t2ya aq cgurdong pgkswi lng ang last price ng roleta q.. qng cnung pwdng mg mhl sau, qng cnung pwng umunwa sau, qng cnung pwdng 2manggp qng anu k, at qng cnu k.. ang hirap humnap ng gnun..
-- i hve 2 go coz im hurtng 2 much.. il surrendered 4 the love isn’t enough.. il moving 4wrd whnevr this things ain’t the same as b4.. coz, i know, im sure.. theres som1 will save me, evn if im dying.. som1 who will love m evn much nd more than usual.. --
01 January 2009
Question to God
.. come 2 think of it, anung ms hi2git s ksiyhan qng pg dting s luhi klungkutn dn nmn ang h2rap sau.. minsn, nk2limutn q n srili q, my mlking tnung p nga eh, “do i really exist?”, hirap noh.. bitin kc pg pnsmantlang kligyhan lng eh..
cguro kslnan s diyos ang tnung n “bkt nya gingwa i2?”.. cguro dn, pg ngt2nung aq n2, kht p2nu ngi2ng libangan q n mpg isa, mging mlungkot.. ewn, cguro swang swa n aqng mging msya, kc pgdting s huli.. mlu2ngkot dn aq, higit p s inaashan..
.. minsn dn, ms gus2 q png mpg isa.. minsn dn, ms gus2 q png ngumiti, kc ms mdling ipkta qng bkt aq nkngiti kesa ipliwnag qng bkt aq mlungkot.. minsn dn, gus2 q ng thimik, mshado n kcng m ingay ang buhy q, gus2 qng mging mpypa s aking mundo, s srili qng mundo kht sndli lng..
Synopsis:
s 22o, aq? swang swa n aqng mlungkot, wla aqng luha pwdng m ibigy s knya.. mlmang, t2nggpin q nlng qng qnung pra skin.. d n dn aq aasa s aksyang mundong i2, wla rn pg b2gu..
i2 ang sinopsiya ng buhy q..
cguro kslnan s diyos ang tnung n “bkt nya gingwa i2?”.. cguro dn, pg ngt2nung aq n2, kht p2nu ngi2ng libangan q n mpg isa, mging mlungkot.. ewn, cguro swang swa n aqng mging msya, kc pgdting s huli.. mlu2ngkot dn aq, higit p s inaashan..
.. minsn dn, ms gus2 q png mpg isa.. minsn dn, ms gus2 q png ngumiti, kc ms mdling ipkta qng bkt aq nkngiti kesa ipliwnag qng bkt aq mlungkot.. minsn dn, gus2 q ng thimik, mshado n kcng m ingay ang buhy q, gus2 qng mging mpypa s aking mundo, s srili qng mundo kht sndli lng..
Synopsis:
s 22o, aq? swang swa n aqng mlungkot, wla aqng luha pwdng m ibigy s knya.. mlmang, t2nggpin q nlng qng qnung pra skin.. d n dn aq aasa s aksyang mundong i2, wla rn pg b2gu..
i2 ang sinopsiya ng buhy q..
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